For what is it to die, but to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?    Kahlil Gibran

I have been trying to find words to write about Maria, and I just can't seem to grasp them. Everytime I try, my throat feels like it's closing and I begin crying.

I will miss you so much, my dear friend. I know you are with me because I can feel you trying to comfort me.

May your spirit soar like an eagle through the sky and run like the silver wolf through the woods. May your family and friends always be blessed with the memory of your love and compassion.

I am honored and blessed to have been your friend.

Tink

<<She said, she had the most beautiful eyes (unusual eyes)>>

<S> Yes she did. I have a recent phot that I will send to you. I'd post it here.....but she would surely pitch a fit and I am not ready to handle the wrath of The Silver Wolf.

<< I wonder what sort of music she liked.  Did we (you) ever get around to finding out?>>

She loved all kinds of music. When we went to dinner several months ago (me, Teg, Silver) a band was playing and I could see she was dying to get up and dance. Her back had been bothering her and I was so worried that if we started dancing, she'd go crazy and throw her back out and then Teg and I would be trying to get her and the two kids home! We finally got up and I warned her to BEHAVE herself. <lol> Her son Michael is a wonderful muscian.

<<I have never known anyone who had so many different and interesting things to talk about.>>

She was like a sponge. If there was something she didn't know about, you can bet she was going to read up on it and find out. So many times she started a conversation with, "I was just reading about....."

<<Her emails were always full of beautiful pictures>>

<lol> OMG! After she found out I knew how to reduce the size of photos so that they could be used as forum icon, she went on a KICK for weeks where she was sending me dozens and dozens of photos! I am NOT exaggerating......maybe 5-6 a day! <rofl> I said Maria.....for crying out loud.....you're driving me NUTS with the photos!

<<I will be so pleased when Tink comes back again. >>

I wish we lived closer so that we could have spent more time together. She was so looking forward to me bringing her here. In December, she wanted so badly to drive to see Queenie & Tegan and I just couldn't do it. <sigh>

<<she's around you and she always will be somewhere in your life.>>

I keep seeing flashes of her in my mind. When I was writing that stuff about her and those darn photos.....she was laughing so hard. We used to laugh so hard on the phone that my sides hurt. I remember when I was having trouble with my gallbladder and she called to LECTURE me, she started telling me a story about a friend and she made me laugh so hard that I was doubled over.

<<it seemed that Maria just loved people >>

When Teg and I were visiting, some people came by her house on horseback. Silver flew out to the street to say hello.....she was hugging and petting the horses and talked with the people (who she'd never met) for a good 30 minutes. I remember because I had to leave and they were blocking my car in!

She was most definitely a precious gift and that woman LIVED her life.

Thank you Greensleeves. <w>

It's strange, I (as you know) have never met Maria, but after I heard about her not waking up that morning, I know I have written about it somewhere else, I thought "Kitchen Witch", because I had to put the candle in the kitchen and I swear I heard her laugh.  I was feeling really cut up about the news.  I mean to say I could hardly see the candle, yet believing I heard her laugh, I smiled.

You told me, something she said, always sounded like music.  To me the laughter and the music go together, she must have had very high vibrations........so very sensitive.

~Greensleeves~ 

I have the copy of the email Maria sent me on 4/9 sitting here at my desk. I read it again this morning. I am so angry at the medical personnel that treated (or I should say MIStreated) her. I'm trying very hard to stay focused on the beautiful memories of Silver Wolf and not allow that anger to take over.

I'm not a physician, but I read this letter and I can't help but wonder.....WHAT were they thinking?

<<and there did always seem to be a certain innocence about her, didn't there.>>

I know exactly what you are speaking about, and yes, I saw that side of her on a few occasions. She cared very much about the feelings of others and it bothered her tremendously to think that she may have hurt someone's feelings or caused them discomfort.

I'm not sure what Maria's favorite color was, but I *see* orange when I think of her. Maybe it's posted in the thread that Lynne started about colors?

With all due respect Myreddin, Silver had specific symptoms for months and saw her physician on several occasions. Each time she was told she had acid reflux.

My husband is a family physician. Maria wrote me an email the second week of April describing her symptoms during and after a recent attack. I printed it out and handed it to Steve. It took him less than thirty seconds to reply, I think it's her heart.....not her stomach. He told me the tests that *needed* to be done to rule out a serious heart issue. (The stomach tests were secondary)

Maria could not afford to schedule these expensive tests as an outpatient. Steve told her that as soon as she felt an attack to call 911 and get admitted through the emergency room so that medicare would cover the tests needed. So she had to wait until she had yet ANOTHER attack. BUT the paramedics told her that her vitals were "normal" and there was no need for her to be admitted. They suggested that she may have a bad gallbladder. It is NOT a paramedics place to diagnose anyone.

So Maria never got to the hospital. She called her doctor in the morning and the doctor once again told her she had acid reflux and told her to double the dose of her stomach medicine.

And here we are.....planning her memorial service.

My husband's exact words......"This is a disgrace and a tragedy."

And like you.....I DO believe that Silver's spirit is free and at peace. But I believe that all of us have the right to be angry at how she reached that place. My spiritual side knows that life is temporary and the soul lives forever. I know she is with me and I know that I will be with her again at some point in time. But my human side is angry. I'm tired of hearing about people in this country...."The GREATEST nation on the planet" <what a JOKE>.......that don't get the medical treatment and medications they need. You can best believe that if King George Almighty had chest pain in the morning, he'd be whisked off to the finest medical institution in DC and within an hour he'd have all the tests he needed and all the necessary treatments scheduled.

This isn't meant to be blasted at you and I hope you don't take it that way. I'm furious with the system and the mounds of red tape.