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Elder Care

Update on my mother

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#1 of 7

     Posted Nov-6 2:28 PM   
Gail K. [sysop]
 
From  Gail K. [sysop]  Posts 138  Last Nov-24
To  All      [Msg # 1652.1 ]    
A couple of people have asked how my mother is doing. I don't know where I left off. The latest is that she's been diagnosed with breast cancer. It's very small and probably won't give her a problem for quite a while. We're going to see a breast surgeon next week, but she will refuse any chemo or radiation treatment and probably surgery. Of more concern, at the present time, is a spot on her lung that has been increasing in size. We don't know if it's malignant or not because she refuses to have a biopsy since she won't accept treatment for it. I'm not quite sure why we have that appointment with the breast surgeon, but the doctor recommended it to get an expert opinion. There may be a possibility of treating her with hormones for a while.

My sister and I, and other family members, agree with her decisions. Her concern is quality of life for the time she has left. She feels that she doesn't want to undergo treatment, lose her hair, feel miserable, etc. for what may be the last months of her life. Nothing is going to happen immediately and she could have a few years before either of these things start to cause problems and/or pain, which will be treated if necessary.

My biggest concern right now is that I'm observing what I believe strongly is depression. She hasn't been feeling well, is short of breath, and it's not her COPD. Her pulse ox is in the 90's. She had a mouse in her apartment which she claims wasn't removed by maintenance for two days and this morning seems to not be able to handle anything. She sometimes exaggerates time when these things occur and they did move her to a guest apartment last night. I'm going over there a little later. She can't handle any kind of stress these days.

So that's the story. It's not pretty, but if someone lives long enough (she's 91), stuff happens.
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#2 of 7

     Posted Nov-6 4:25 PM   
Nancy C, Wizop
 
From  Nancy C, Wizop  Posts 514  Last Nov-24
To  Gail K. [sysop]      [Msg # 1652.2 Message 1652.2 replying to 1652.1 1652.1 ]    

Her concern is quality of life for the time she has left.


I'd feel the same way if I were in her shoes.

 

My biggest concern right now is that I'm observing what I believe strongly is depression.


That's normal.  Her doc could prescribe an antidepressant, but there are other ways of dealing with depression.  If you don't have it, you might want to read On Death and Dying by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.

Perhaps your mother would just like to spend some time talking to you about how she feels.  You might also try to find out what she'd like to do in her last months or years.  I think about this every time I have to go to the hospital with cancer or another disease.  The other night on TV (commercial?) someone asked, "What would you do if you knew you had six months to live?"  Immediately, my husband said that if we knew that, we'd have to pack a lot of travel into that time.  My response was that he would be going alone, because that is not what I would want to do.  Different people want to spend their time differently.

Are there things you could do with her that she would consider fun?  Little day trips or lunches?

Does your mother have old family photos or photo albums or family memorabilia?  If so, you could go through those with her and get her to talk about them.  Write it down!  That is one of my regrets.  Now I'm left trying to remember what she told me and trying to figure out a lot.  More than anything, she might like to talk about the people and places and the events that were captured in those photos.  In addition, she might enjoy thinking of them rather than dying.

 

She had a mouse in her apartment which she claims wasn't removed by maintenance for two days and this morning seems to not be able to handle anything.


I would freak out if there were a mouse in my apartment too!  Especially on top of her health problems.  She doesn't need to deal with a mouse right now.

This is going to be hard on you as well as her.  Be sure to take care of yourself


Nancy C.
Seniors Community
Investing for Growth Forum

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#3 of 7

     Posted Nov-12 10:51 AM   
Nancy C, Wizop
 
From  Nancy C, Wizop  Posts 514  Last Nov-24
To  Gail K. [sysop]      [Msg # 1652.3 Message 1652.3 replying to 1652.1 1652.1 ]    
Has your mother seen the breast surgeon yet?  How did it go?

Nancy C.
Seniors Community
Investing for Growth Forum

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#4 of 7

     Posted Nov-12 11:07 AM   
Gail K. [sysop]
 
From  Gail K. [sysop]  Posts 138  Last Nov-24
To  Nancy C, Wizop      [Msg # 1652.4 Message 1652.4 replying to 1652.3 1652.3 ]    
Nancy,

We saw the breast surgeon yesterday.  My mother has a few options but will probably opt for leaving it alone, which is one option.  It's very small and not palpable, even to the doctor.  She wouldn't know about it if she hadn't had the mammogram.  In fact, the doctor asked her why she had a mammogram at her age. 

I really liked this doctor because she was treating the patient and not the condition.  My mother's options are to have a lumpectomy with or without radiation, and if she does it it will be without radiation because my mother won't do that.  The other option is an anti-estrogen medication to slow the growth.  She probably doesn't have much estrogen at 91 anyway.  The doctor is going to speak to my mother's primary before doing anything and then let us know about the discussion.  When my mother spoke to my sister after the appointment yesterday all she told her was that the breast surgeon said to not do anything and just watch it.  I think that's all she heard in the whole session.

My mother was in very bad shape yesterday morning before we went.  She was having a lot of trouble breathing and was using oxygen which she normally doesn't use during the day anymore.  She admitted that was probably anxiety.  Anyway, her who demeanor and attitude changed after the appointment.  She was quite relieved.  So if all she heard was leave it alone, that at least improved her mood for now.
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#5 of 7

     Posted Nov-12 12:34 PM   
Nancy C, Wizop
 
From  Nancy C, Wizop  Posts 514  Last Nov-24
To  Gail K. [sysop]      [Msg # 1652.5 Message 1652.5 replying to 1652.4 1652.4 ]    
It sounds like a good visit overall.  I wonder when this breast doctor thinks women are old enough to quit having mammograms.

Considering her age, she has done very well.

I hope they got the mouse out of her apartment!

Nancy C.
Seniors Community
Investing for Growth Forum

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#6 of 7

     Posted Nov-12 12:40 PM   
Gail K. [sysop]
 
From  Gail K. [sysop]  Posts 138  Last Nov-24
To  Nancy C, Wizop      [Msg # 1652.6 Message 1652.6 replying to 1652.5 1652.5 ]    
Nancy,

The mouse is out of her apartment, at least for now.  She's not the only one who had a mouse.  They tend to come in when it gets cold.  There are traps all over her apartment.

I think the doctor's comment about mammograms was tongue in cheek, but my mother hadn't had one for many years.  I think that old enough to stop having mammograms is when you won't do anything about it if something is found.  My mother falls into that category.

My sister's sister-in-law is about to have a mastectomy and reconstruction.  She's about 69 or 70 and feels she's young enough to undergo treatment.
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#7 of 7

     Posted Nov-12 5:01 PM   
Hugh Wyn Griffith WUGNET
 
From  Hugh Wyn Griffith WUGNET  Posts 37  Last Nov-24
To  Gail K. [sysop]      [Msg # 1652.7 Message 1652.7 replying to 1652.4 1652.4 ]    

I'm glad to hear all this -- sorry that I read and answered your other message first. But what you say seems a good example of taking an informed decision based on knowledge and with the right kind of advice!

I hope you come to a similar conclusion regarding yourself.

  Hugh

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Elder Care

Update on my mother

  
 
     

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